A good friend mentioned to me this week that she is struggling to maintain her healthy eating habits and continue her active social life.  She is single, high energy and likes to go out dancing with friends.  She finds that most of the social events she attends are centred around food and drinks, leaving her to face this challenge frequently. I get it.  You want to go out for dinner and not have the entire conversation revolve around what you are/aren’t eating.

I have put together five coping strategies for maintaining a healthy diet and social life.

Strategy number one:  Have a big why.  Know why you are eating what you are eating instead of something that you may have been eating in the past, maybe even in the recent past.  When you really know why you will not waver but your “why” has to be real and it has to be connected to your truest core self.  My big why was that I wanted to be able to hug my son without having it hurt my fingers and arms as he was just a baby.  Fitting into the little black dress may not be a big enough why but having the confidence to go out in that dress and have the opportunity to meet someone new may be.

Ask yourself “what is the cost to me this year, in the next year, five years from now if I do not commit to following through and taking care of myself”. It is also important to have a big why for hanging out with those friends.  As you go through any transition that makes people uncomfortable they may act out in wacky ways.  It is at these times that you can hold on to why you love them so that you can weather this transition together, give them room to get comfortable with the new you and move into a healthier relationship.

Strategy number two:  Be prepared. Carry salad toppers, herbal tea, a lemon or some bars in your bag. Order something off the menu that you can live with or modify.  Remember it is about the company and not about the food.  You can even call ahead to many venues and they will appreciate having the heads-up to prepare food for you ahead of time.  If you are uncomfortable asking for special treatment you can bring a “special diet” card with you to avoid the discussion at the table. There is usually some combination of menu items that can be put together to create a masterpiece for you.  That being said over the past twenty-two years I have been to 5 or 6 dinners where there was literally not a thing I could eat.  This is when the protein bars came in handy.  It happened to me twice in China, once in Vegas and twice in Turkey.  I remember someone offering me a plain bun with lettuce from Macdonalds once while I was on a tour bus.  They laughed and called it a vegan dinner.  Ok that one really got to me.

Strategy number three:  Share.  Bring something fabulous and share it with your friends. This will make sure that you are well fed, emotionally and physically.  I often choose to bring a dessert because I know it will always be a big hit, I can have salad for the main meal and then I won’t lament not being able to eat the birthday cake or pie.

Strategy number four:  Find your voice, value yourself.  I have always run from confrontation. I often would rather blend in. The main times where I have made food mistakes over the past 22 years have been when a stranger offered me something and I didn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable.  This happened several times when I was a server, once in Asia and once when someone didn’t remember the gluten thing and baked me a birthday cake.  After eating the cake my gums and digestive system were swollen for weeks. I realize now that I can just say no right away and I don’t even have to tell them why.

It can be more awkward with close friends but when I explain that I have been working on taking care of myself they really do want to help or they simply make jokes like “more cake for me”.  Finding my voice around food has also helped me to find my voice in other areas of my life that may not have been serving me.  Does this affect you too? Does it ring any bells?

Strategy number five:  Treat information about your diet as a precious gift that your friends must wait to unwrap.  Wait until they ask you “what’s your secret?” before you tell them.  One of the worst times to tell everyone about your new eating habits is when they are all chowing down on something that is pretty much the exact opposite of what you recommend.  This can be difficult but does ensure that people hear what they are ready to hear and remain curious about your food rather than defensive, as defensive can be painful.